Chaos theory....in a deep voice!

It s a Friday. I should be feeling the relief of the day but I m not! I feel an exhausting quiet...Numb! Talked to various people today to just find out whether they will say something to change my moods around..no luck yet!
I feel like a satellite..still...only people near me that feel alike i can connect with! 2 satellites met at Kafekouti the other day and me and Th made whole Athens move to a different tempo!
Aha played live yesterday and it felt good to just be on my own and loud music face to face!
Many things to worry about but no mood to deal with anything really!
Uk is approaching, meeting up with A is approaching and I ended up feeling preoccupied about not having expectations nor stress about it..it scares me that I can be not feeling anything about him after only 1 year. If that is so, how can we continue life with no guidelines, no guarantees. our words mean nothing as they only fade in time..if that is so, the common average is winning!
Argh!