Reboot

How about restarting? I haven t written in so long...my life has changed so....so since Greece is experiencing challenging times, I thought of writting. I will continue writing my own stuff but in a way I thought that this is another way of having the truth told outside the main news channel and let the other world know what is really happening in Greece by a 3osomething person.. Will post some more later on...so glad to be back :)

Wonders never cease...

Maybe this song provides a different pair of glasses to see the world and the mirror today....let s see

Chaos theory....in a deep voice!

It s a Friday. I should be feeling the relief of the day but I m not! I feel an exhausting quiet...Numb! Talked to various people today to just find out whether they will say something to change my moods around..no luck yet!
I feel like a satellite..still...only people near me that feel alike i can connect with! 2 satellites met at Kafekouti the other day and me and Th made whole Athens move to a different tempo!
Aha played live yesterday and it felt good to just be on my own and loud music face to face!
Many things to worry about but no mood to deal with anything really!
Uk is approaching, meeting up with A is approaching and I ended up feeling preoccupied about not having expectations nor stress about it..it scares me that I can be not feeling anything about him after only 1 year. If that is so, how can we continue life with no guidelines, no guarantees. our words mean nothing as they only fade in time..if that is so, the common average is winning!
Argh!

Welcome back Friday!

"Maybe u ll get what u wanted,
maybe u ll stumble upon it,
everything u ever wanted
in a permanent state.

Maybe you'll know when you see it,
maybe if you say it you ll mean it,
and when u find it u ll keep it
in a permanent state."

U feel like in reverse and 5th gear at the same time. Loads and nothing is happening. The good thing? U feel that u r in control again.

I want to fly....

droughty day

It is only 20 to 3 in the afternoon and I m already spent..worn out..emotionally and as a result physically...
News of the past days: I got my visa and I m supposedly getting in the right mindset for the States...well guess again....The exciting things of last week is that I bought a snowboard and thingies for the mountain, got Avgi's present via post from Korea, Thanos made his presence clear and intense in my life again, he conquested our friendship again..That was an unexpected surprise and boost in a way. And yes after a long time, I swum..that was soothing but didn t last for long..I don t know why, although many things happened on the positive side, the first thing that comes to my mind is nothing, absolutely nothing..
I wouldn t say that it is negativity but more or less despair...?haha.The word sounds so severe but don t know how else to describe me...I have lost any motivation whatsoever, u know when u feel that u cannot find a single reason to get out of bed and move on with life..?I have lost any mood to go out and meet up with people, socialising doesn t offer me anything. I have only the energy to watch and not to participate..I don t even bother with explaining or revealing how I am, it seems hopeless. I am just waiting for that something to happen and change everything. Don t know whether it will come something from outside or from within, it is just that I think this is the only way forward..haha..it sounds so stupid and shallow.
Anyway move on people!
Rich is coming to Athens, that is uplifting, my communication with friends is getting better, they are requesting me back...Fof, Aris, Thanos, Demi..they are all lovely and present..G is another thing? Don t know..He can get me up like that and then completely let me drop..Last nite he made me really sad and disappointed, I hurt so much that I decided to keep a safe distance for a while..Maybe it is the convenient solution of the dissertation? Maybe all these have-tos mess with my stability? ha maybe...
Music and lyrics make me feel sound, tv series verbalise how I feel and I only feel pressure pressure pressure...haha I like this song..I feel I m losing my mind...Where is my mind? My sanity, my peace, my happiness..
On the other hand, I am making the wise moves, bought a car, searching for a house, I m doing what all the others are doing and seem stable but the boat is even rockier for me..
Depression phase?
Well maybe but I don t want that..I cannot take it anymore..F*ck starsigns, people's advice, I need a shoulder and a hug that can convince me..
I read A's text of various months ago and was shocked with their warmth and truth.How can something like that vanish just like that? Well probably this is what is wrong inside me..I cannot answer the WHYs in my life for the past 3 months...haha life is funny....but not always but certainly tricks are constant.
tata till next time and fingers crossed with a smile inside..

I wink to spring...

Again apologies for disappearing...I heard somewhere that one who lives, doesn t have time to write about it, hence u either live or write I guess...
Hmm...what has happened these past few days? So since then:
- I had one of the sweetest valentine's dinners as K cooked for me and we had icecream with pineapple and chats about his trip to Brazil. He is so sweet. All this time, we r hooking up often, spending time together, went skiing and had a blast and chilling on Saturday night on the sofa watching a dvd (a war movie..guys can be such small boys sometimes :-)
- I haven t seen KatKat for some time now, last time we went up in the mountains to ski and had an intense fight before that, but things are just fine, tight schedules I guess.
- I had the best conversation with F and she opened my eyes. We distinguished the gap and ackwardness between us, she boost my spirits up again and finally after I don t know how long we went to the cinema together and watched one of the sweetest movies ever 'Finding Neverland'. I did trip me away..and then the surrounding of Athens afterwars...light rain and smells, calm and uplifting music in the car..
- G as always once on once off, it gets too tiring to even bother with the whole thing
- Arranged to do a great surprise to D...she will have a fit...
- Oh, my birthday was this week..haha..forgot to mention I turned 29...Yeah!
- My mum came back home and now it feels like home again and we have my father's mother across the street. He is really down about it but I guess this is how life is. I had a fit infront of them the other day and they were shocked whilst I was crying that I m unhappy..Bless them, they think it is something they are doing wrong!
- Dom and I are in touch so that s good I guess
- Sab forgot my birthday and feels really bad whilst there is no need!
- D decided to have the eye operation and she is still living in Amman 90210.haha!
- I so much miss R, he has disappeared on me and I m wondering whether he is ok. I miss his energy and warmth.
- KSV and I are in frequent contact and boost eachother up. It feels so good having some1 like that besides you whilst so far away..Hope we are both lucky this year!
- Aris is sometimes so close and other so far away..In a way I m living my 'other' life at the same time and it feels weird!
- I paid off all of my loans and car so that is quite a relief!
- Allen is the person of the days I guess..He is 'present' after all! He emailed me a reply lost in the timezone of the last 2 months. Still don t know how to feel about it. It was really hard for him to do that I know but my feeling is that it came too late..I don t want to sound harsh or unfair, but where was he when I was needing him? I know that not all people react the same way or in the same time but then again life is too short and if we respect the other person we owe them at least that much..?! But I still feel him close and I want him there..We just hung up and it went great..Far better than expected. We couldn t stop laughing. I really believe that we were warm towards eachother, not requestiong or conquesting anything, just I reckon we both felt like that...May it continue and this could be the begining of a beautiful...something...don t know what..haha..Come on Scarlet, tomorrow is a new day....
tata chaps

my funny valenlife....

Hello again....I missed a week but then again so many things happened..today is funny valentine's day..I m wondering who gives a flying sock anymore about that..
anyway, my news of the last week - well the good news is that I m thinking that my life is going back to its usual tempo, where too many things are happening at the same time and I have no control whatsoever...- so randomly during the previous week:
- My friend Geo had a motorbike accident last Saturday and he is in the hospital, some broken ribs and inner little things, painful but it will pass..My bro has witnessed it And that was a shock hearing everything first hand.
- I went skiing with Demi and it was great. For my very first time and I did fab..even the tutor said so, rent some skis for the rest of the season and we will see. Although on Sunday the weather was crap, windy, foggy and snowy that made everything almost unbarable. I even had a problem with the battery of the car when I came back and my bro couldn t bother to come and help me..that was a thumb up for sure
- My father's mother had a strock and she is in the hospital, hence the folks went to the island to see what is happening..that happened over a week now..so yes we are home alone with the bro and the dogs, that means that I have loads to do and not the necessary energy.
- I was ill with my throat for I don t know how many days and I was a big skiver and did not go to work for 3 days
- I went to Mikro concert of friday with KATKAT and it was UNBELIEVABLE. I felt like it as summer again, shouting and screaming the songs, dancing like crazy and enjoy the feeling of carefree fun
- I ve missed Vasoulini's wedding but I just couldn t do it on that day, snow, cold, moodless and with my throat..it was more than I could deliver at the time
- We celebrated Delis' birthday in Strefi where we had the best lunch ever, listening to jazz and lounge whilst eating with friends and looking outside the rainy, grey but green terrace and knowing that on that busy Saturday afternoon we are chilling in the center hill of Athens calm and content.
- G is great, he is shocking me day after day more and more. We were chatting on the phone about my car OH yes I forgot...I BOUGHT MYSELF A CAR. its name is JACQUES MAYOL, he is the guy in the big blue, the diver with the dolphins, so back to our topic, G offered to buy for me a cd player for the car and I was amazed. although I reacted in rather the opposite way, shouting and being pissed off and forbiding him to buy such a thing for me. life is strange indeed, or better I am strange! I apologised via text where he sent to me the most fab text "I LOVE U AS U ARE", i melted on my bed....
- what else what else...yes I cooked for the very first time, something that needed cooking, meat with wine sauce and pasta..it was ok I guess for the first time ever..
- I had the best chats on the phone with Fil and he blew my mind for one more time, saying several divine things for me, he calmed me down so much that it was scary, but as always words not actions..hehe
- Today Allen texted me HVD and I don t know how to feel about that, it is still somewhere there inside but don t know what, where, how much, for how long, what can I do.
- I had the strangest job offer for Silver, something that if I could believe it, that would mean something artistic and creative inside the Bank, we will see..I just don t believe in anything anymore, inside or outside the bank....
- K came back from Brasil but still haven t seen him
- I m making weird thoughts about DB that are really funny, probably is the dead end that brought me to this stage..hehe
- I m starting tomorrow on the dissertation full speed - gosh how many times have I said that..nevermind...
...Anyway I doubt I have more news for now, if something pops I ll let u know tomorrow....
I kiss u from here to heaven and back....tace Kare....

dream on on a friday morning...

well it was about time..today I woke up with a cheerful mood. Although it is freezing outside, there was 3 degrees in the morning, nonetheless all is fine all is gravy! I m thinking of buying a house and a car. Not in the immediate future both but still...Plans changed, I m heading for a used one, cheaper and less problems for me. And then full speed for the house..Probably I will have to say goodbye to my 'sea'. I m so used to that..Don t know whether I will manage, we ll see..
So decide it that it is better to find a better house, up north, in a developping suberb and take it from there. We will see there is no harm in dreaming..
Last night it was freezing and I was dumm enough to get on the bike with my bro and go for dinner in a taverna..My ears froze and my hand turned actually blue! I couldn t believe it. It was the first time in my life that I felt so cold..
It was fun though..Calm, talking casually just me and bro about our plans, cars, house and all sorts..Not bad!
Then back home, watched Fame Story, God G in that is great! He is the only greek on screen - not to say in real life- that has dignity and self respect. Why can't I have some1 like that near me? Nevermind...
Then talked on the phone with G and he was so inexcusable that made me laugh. He hung up on me with the argument 'Sorry I m watching tv' Gosh people are strange..hehe! And then we are questioning why we are on our own or then I m questioning why cannot I understand the other people..Is it the rest of the world or me?..haha...
I don t give a flying sock...I will manage...Oh! I forgot to say the super extra news of the day..Managed to work on my dissertation for about 3 hours yesterday and maybe that did the trick..Keep going Tonina and bring April on..haha!
Don t know yet the plans for the rest of the day..Will keep u posted though...
laters....