droughty day
It is only 20 to 3 in the afternoon and I m already spent..worn out..emotionally and as a result physically...
News of the past days: I got my visa and I m supposedly getting in the right mindset for the States...well guess again....The exciting things of last week is that I bought a snowboard and thingies for the mountain, got Avgi's present via post from Korea, Thanos made his presence clear and intense in my life again, he conquested our friendship again..That was an unexpected surprise and boost in a way. And yes after a long time, I swum..that was soothing but didn t last for long..I don t know why, although many things happened on the positive side, the first thing that comes to my mind is nothing, absolutely nothing..
I wouldn t say that it is negativity but more or less despair...?haha.The word sounds so severe but don t know how else to describe me...I have lost any motivation whatsoever, u know when u feel that u cannot find a single reason to get out of bed and move on with life..?I have lost any mood to go out and meet up with people, socialising doesn t offer me anything. I have only the energy to watch and not to participate..I don t even bother with explaining or revealing how I am, it seems hopeless. I am just waiting for that something to happen and change everything. Don t know whether it will come something from outside or from within, it is just that I think this is the only way forward..haha..it sounds so stupid and shallow.
Anyway move on people!
Rich is coming to Athens, that is uplifting, my communication with friends is getting better, they are requesting me back...Fof, Aris, Thanos, Demi..they are all lovely and present..G is another thing? Don t know..He can get me up like that and then completely let me drop..Last nite he made me really sad and disappointed, I hurt so much that I decided to keep a safe distance for a while..Maybe it is the convenient solution of the dissertation? Maybe all these have-tos mess with my stability? ha maybe...
Music and lyrics make me feel sound, tv series verbalise how I feel and I only feel pressure pressure pressure...haha I like this song..I feel I m losing my mind...Where is my mind? My sanity, my peace, my happiness..
On the other hand, I am making the wise moves, bought a car, searching for a house, I m doing what all the others are doing and seem stable but the boat is even rockier for me..
Depression phase?
Well maybe but I don t want that..I cannot take it anymore..F*ck starsigns, people's advice, I need a shoulder and a hug that can convince me..
I read A's text of various months ago and was shocked with their warmth and truth.How can something like that vanish just like that? Well probably this is what is wrong inside me..I cannot answer the WHYs in my life for the past 3 months...haha life is funny....but not always but certainly tricks are constant.
tata till next time and fingers crossed with a smile inside..
News of the past days: I got my visa and I m supposedly getting in the right mindset for the States...well guess again....The exciting things of last week is that I bought a snowboard and thingies for the mountain, got Avgi's present via post from Korea, Thanos made his presence clear and intense in my life again, he conquested our friendship again..That was an unexpected surprise and boost in a way. And yes after a long time, I swum..that was soothing but didn t last for long..I don t know why, although many things happened on the positive side, the first thing that comes to my mind is nothing, absolutely nothing..
I wouldn t say that it is negativity but more or less despair...?haha.The word sounds so severe but don t know how else to describe me...I have lost any motivation whatsoever, u know when u feel that u cannot find a single reason to get out of bed and move on with life..?I have lost any mood to go out and meet up with people, socialising doesn t offer me anything. I have only the energy to watch and not to participate..I don t even bother with explaining or revealing how I am, it seems hopeless. I am just waiting for that something to happen and change everything. Don t know whether it will come something from outside or from within, it is just that I think this is the only way forward..haha..it sounds so stupid and shallow.
Anyway move on people!
Rich is coming to Athens, that is uplifting, my communication with friends is getting better, they are requesting me back...Fof, Aris, Thanos, Demi..they are all lovely and present..G is another thing? Don t know..He can get me up like that and then completely let me drop..Last nite he made me really sad and disappointed, I hurt so much that I decided to keep a safe distance for a while..Maybe it is the convenient solution of the dissertation? Maybe all these have-tos mess with my stability? ha maybe...
Music and lyrics make me feel sound, tv series verbalise how I feel and I only feel pressure pressure pressure...haha I like this song..I feel I m losing my mind...Where is my mind? My sanity, my peace, my happiness..
On the other hand, I am making the wise moves, bought a car, searching for a house, I m doing what all the others are doing and seem stable but the boat is even rockier for me..
Depression phase?
Well maybe but I don t want that..I cannot take it anymore..F*ck starsigns, people's advice, I need a shoulder and a hug that can convince me..
I read A's text of various months ago and was shocked with their warmth and truth.How can something like that vanish just like that? Well probably this is what is wrong inside me..I cannot answer the WHYs in my life for the past 3 months...haha life is funny....but not always but certainly tricks are constant.
tata till next time and fingers crossed with a smile inside..
posted by tonina at 3:03 pm
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